1. |
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it’s like a spark
it’s just like a tiny little flickering light
i just close it off
i close it off until it burns out and dies
if everything goes bad
i can’t just call you
there’s no way to go back
and talk to the old you
cuz things change and people do die
and every single thing that you love can disappear overnight
cuz things change right before your eyes
sometimes it’s like the world is moving so slow until it passes you by
it’s like a fire
it’s just like a white-hot flame that’s burning inside
if i let it out
it might leave nothing but ashes behind
if everything goes bad
you can’t just call me
there’s no way to go back
and talk to the old me
cuz things change and people do try
and every single thing that you want can just appear overnight
cuz things change and baby so do i
sometimes it’s like the world is moving so slow until you open your eyes
cuz things change and people do die
and every single thing that i was just disappears overnight
cuz things change and baby so do i
sometimes it’s like the world is moving so slow until you open your eyes
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2. |
it's yours!
02:38
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when i’m dead i will be survived
by a total absence of surprise
by the wistful sighs and dejected shrugging
of everyone who saw it coming
when i’m dead my phone will still blow up
my friends still calling to find drugs
a billion unread messages
asking where the afterparty is
it’s yours
yeah this is where i take my leave of you it’s yours
when i’m dead i will be reunited
with everyone i used to get high with
gathered together in a warm place
indistinguishable from LA
when i’m dead they will all be sorry
about all those times i borrowed money
about all my unrealized dreams
to go to school for cosmetology
it’s yours
oh yeah the burden must now shift to you, it’s yours
no matter what those crypto dipshits do, it’s yours
even if nobody knows it but you, it belongs to no one else
cuz when i’m dead they will toast my life
at my friends’ shitty DJ nights
no one will hear their speeches clearly
they’ll all just think it’s someone’s birthday
when i’m dead the hardest hit will be
the uncracked eggs still languishing
grief will come and they’ll have to fight it
or they’ll just disappear like i did
it’s yours
so lest the gun from act one go unused it’s yours
because the rest of us got shit to do it’s yours
oh yeah it’s so much worse now than we knew
the queen is dead long may she rule it’s yours
and even thought you didn’t ask it to
the prophecy at last came true
and it calls on no one else but you
it’s yours
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3. |
how could you do it?
03:35
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how many more
how many more times do you think we can bleed?
how many more
how many more times before?
the vein it gets punctured but nothing comes up,
for you’ve drained everything
and you got no one to feed on anymore
how could you do it?
why are you doing this?
you turn a light on, baby
and a neighborhood gets burned
it will be ruined
by the time you’re through with it
so in sha’allah, baby
you get what you deserve
how many more
how many more times can you fall in love?
how many more
how many more times before
whatever you taste or you smell or you touch
you just can’t get high enough
yeah, you can’t even feel it anymore
how could you do it?
why are you doing this?
you turn a light on, baby
and a neighborhood gets burned
it will be ruined
by the time you’re through with it
so in sha’allah, baby
the bill comes due
yeah you know it’s true
and the day comes soon
where you get what you deserve
how could you do it?
why are you doing this?
you turn a light on, baby
and a neighborhood gets burned
it will be ruined
by the time you’re through with it
so in sha’allah, baby
you get what you deserve
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4. |
tutti in bagno
03:19
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let’s take a picture of everyone in the bathroom
let’s pull it up and lay it down on the floor
let’s gather around it and take a long look at yourselves
let’s gather around it and all take turns
you and me, we’ve come a long way together
in music and friendship, in love and in loss
oh wait i’m sorry i thought you were my friend, shit
i don’t really come here, i think i might be lost
hey i think i really like you
wait i think you’re really cool
hey maybe we belong together
oh but if not i mean that’s cool
it doesn’t matter what other people say
they’re never gonna understand anyway
you and me, let’s lay it all on the table
all of us, let’s put it all on that mirror
how can it be that we haven’t been introduced yet?
so sick to meet you, so dope that you are here
no, just take some. you don’t have to pay me
you don’t need to know the steps to do the dance
if our hands shake then let’s put them together
when this is all over will we still be friends?
hey i think i really like you
wait i think you’re really cool
hey maybe we belong together
oh but if not i mean that’s cool
it doesn’t matter what other people say
they’re never gonna understand anyway
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5. |
the little things
04:02
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little things wrapped up in plastic
tucked into jackets and then brought home
little queen of trashed apartments
extracted plasma and stepped on blow
i used to hope life would consist of a million days like this
i’m afraid that they will never stop
little strings that used to bind us
trailing behind us, bombycidae
you and me, we traded curses
but was it worth it? i couldn’t say
when i was high i made a wish and now i can’t remember what it did
i’m afraid that this is what it was
this kind of thing is cyclical you’re sure and that given time it will reverse
but you wait and it never does
i’m afraid that this will never stop
i’m afraid but i will never stop
little routines we keep repeating without thinking about what it means
little things about the mirror i never noticed til it was clean
i used to hope life would consist of a million nights like this
i’m afraid they will never stop
so if this is really the last time go and tell whoever that i’m buying
it’s a shame, that’s all it ever was
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6. |
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hi i’m calling for stereo mike
i’m calling about the free bran van tickets
you know, for the show at pacific palisades
what? are you sure?
you can’t be serious!
stereo mike is dead???
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7. |
bomb emoji xo
03:04
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yeah she was exhausted she had to stop
listening to the DSA chair talk
about how one day they’ll be ready but today they’re not
they can’t make molehills into mountains
that’s when she started moving up to the door
but before she could get through it the word came forth
said “honey i’ll meet you at home, like, after four”
she left and got zankou chicken
and so on the final night before the start of the war
the sex was fine but seconds in she still got bored
the chair passed out, went on to snore
another one-sided conversation
as the sun peeked through the valley at the roof of the house
a car waited outside to bring them both to town
the absence of explosions it was quite pronounced
but at that point, who would notice?
girl, you’re gonna carry that weight a long time
i went to see her do a thing at a comedy night
like “i don’t mean to sound dramatic but i’d probably die
if i wasn’t really high basically all of the time”
it was the truth and we all laughed
that’s when the agents busted in with orders to disperse
whoever tried to reason with em all went right in the dirt
there was no way out and we all got burned
they’re cleaning up for the olympics
while they did that an improvised explosive device
tore up cactus taquiera number one on vine
and after that the traffic just metastasized
when they diverted it onto fountain
i said this would never happen if we had more trains
but she’s like “those would just be targets for attacks these days”
then the road ahead burst into flames
turns out it was just a tesla
girl you’re gonna carry that weight a long time
i don’t mean to sound dramatic but i’d probably die
if i wasn’t really high basically all of the time
i don’t mean to sound dramatic but i’d probably die
before it was a story but i mean it this time
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8. |
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you want me to use you
so that you can feel useful
because that is the only way that you feel love
if i can be truthful
i feel like i’m the one that’s being used
can’t you see i love you? isn’t that enough?
is it ok to go through life being untouchable?
is it ok to be in love with something dead?
what happens to use if we accept that i’m unfixable?
it’s ok it’s ok it’s ok i didn’t mean what i said
so afraid to tell you
this isn’t what i’m used to
but the last thing that you want me to do with you is talk
and this is how i hurt you:
by trying so hard not to
can’t you see i love you? please let that be enough
is it ok to go through life being untouchable?
is it ok to be in love with something dead?
what happens to use if we accept that i’m unfixable?
it’s ok it’s ok it’s ok i didn’t mean what i said
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9. |
snow flakes
05:31
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last year i used to live with a girlfriend in
her best friend slash dealer’s basement
she’d catch shifts at a BP on kenneth and
pretend not to notice me shoplift
and on nights when we couldn’t afford
to go upstairs and see if we could score
we’d drop dex and just lay on the floor
go on soulseek and pass some stale weed back and forth
after a line though i’d grin like a kid
tell everyone that i love them and then
drive over the ford parkway bridge
with the seats back listening to B96
whole reason i wanted to be a DJ
was the feeling i got when i was rolling off my face
thought that sidechain compression sincerely was
the most important thing in all of existence because of
the upper cuts and dj sprinkles
tender buttons and fabulous muscles
afro finger and gel and eureka
the ecstasy of saint theresa
world of echo in shining violence
i feel like dying i feel like dying
planetary natural love gas webbin
let us never speak of it again
spent a half hour after bar close
chasing an afterparty out in the snow
climbed four stories up a fire escape
knocked three times on the metal door to the space
and got nothing
the only party even going on that weekend was
some shit the 90s guys were throwing oh yeah you know the ones
going on about some rave from way back when
if they’re fucked up and they forget we are not their friends
we didn’t hear about it though because fuck those guys
who feign respect so unconvincingly if offered a line
and dole out nuggets of outdated condescending advice
as if it’s any less annoying if they’re being polite
but i mean that’s ok consider the reverse
sometimes the people who like us are somehow even worse
slamming so hard up on the booth that serato skips
to say “play every van she tech remix there is”
yeah just play every van she tech remix there is
i met with laura at the nomad to pick up
i used to see her all the time back when i still was
sleeping on the floor of that one law office
they had a window i could reach and they never locked it
she bounded up and she kissed me on the cheek
slipped it into my pocket real real sleek
an Eddie Bauer that i think came from the store
at the mall of america on the second floor
someone asked me “how can you even afford this, girl?
you’ve been broke since before you attained consciousness”
i said “it’s not about having the money for it,
it’s about not having any other reason to live
…but to play every van she tech remix there is!
one after the other! one after the other!
every van she tech remix there is”
even after all of that we didn’t even do any of it
there was nothing going on there never is
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10. |
life trap
03:40
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cry
let yourself cry sometimes
it doesn’t go away if you hold it inside
dance
dance with all your might
you will always hate yourself if you don’t try
every day i’m in a trap
and every day you’re in the trap with me
tonight
it will not end tonight
you think it’s all a circle but you’re out of time
light
go home when it’s light
the hardest part is waking up and facing life
every day i’m in a trap
and every day you’re in the trap with me
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11. |
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i bought this amulet
because i am afraid of death
because you are my best friend
i am afraid that will end
i bought this talisman
made from a lion’s skin
once free a beautiful king
i hope we don’t end up like him
the more it grows
the more it dies
the more you know
the less you try
you bought some cigarettes
because you’re ignorant of death
because you think if you’re fearless
even death will be impressed
i bought this talisman
made from a lion’s skin
once fierce now silent and still
you remind me of him
the more it grows
the more it dies
the more you know
the less you try
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12. |
jaime brooks Portland, Oregon
a careless man's careful daughter
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