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pain mop girl 2020

by default genders

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Puppy
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Puppy I listened to this album, sobbed for hours, and had a conversation with someone I'd been needing to have for over a decade. 💖 Thank you ~~ ✨ Favorite track: black pill skyline (ada rook rework).
Rule
Rule thumbnail
Rule quirky lofi wonder Favorite track: a million; miles away (by m zavos).
R. Fay
R. Fay  thumbnail
R. Fay thank you for this blessing Favorite track: cascadia subduction zone.
Jean-Paul DuQuette
Jean-Paul DuQuette thumbnail
Jean-Paul DuQuette Seems a bit more confessional and spoken wordie than Main Pop Girl 2019, with a little less variation in melodies and fewer dope '90s beats. Still, some interesting writing, risk-taking with abrasive vocal effects, and a solid album overall. Favorite track: checking in with the old gang (glitchlette version).
john genz
john genz thumbnail
john genz nobody's doing it like this.
Henry Shapiro
Henry Shapiro thumbnail
Henry Shapiro love default genders. listen to checking in with the old gang every morning. life. Favorite track: checking in with the old gang (glitchlette version).
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1.
if you love me, does that just mean you don't know me? you don't know what i was like when i was young you didn't ever have to listen to me shouting any pointlessly cruel things at those you love and not a single human being who once loved me walked away from me without some kind of wound i left scars that, to this day, still mar the hearts of all the very best people i ever knew and the dark? well, it gets darker and our hearts? well, they get harder so what other options are there, baby? what else is left to say? while i grate and i grasp and i fall and i lapse and i breathe and i stop and i bleed and i rot and the ground starts to shake as the world begins breaking in two and i'm like "good, i wanted it to" if you love me, does that just mean that we're waiting for the bell to ring, and signal we should fight? is that why everyone who's standing in my corner keeps saying everything will change after tonight? when you first found me sitting on a pile of bodies you thought of enemies of yours that i could kill as if those bodies don't belong to those i loved once who disappointed me, just as you surely will now it's my blood in the water and i don't wanna be a martyr so what other options are there, baby? what else is left to say? while i grate and i grasp and i fall and i lapse and i breathe and i stop and i bleed and i rot and the ground starts to shake as the world begins breaking in two and i'm like "good, i wanted it to" well, it feels like it's been centuries since we fought for survival now we feast upon our friends and toast their memory with rivals our songs all sound identical, i can't recall the titles but i'm sure they're all on apple music, spotify, and tidal and the ancient survivors of the nineties crystal crisis look up at us with big fat tears welling up in their eyelids they said they really thought heroin had left them mostly lifeless but they'd never seen such lifelessness as that which lives inside us (which is true) and i'm like "good, i wanted it to"
2.
some personal news: all the sleepless nights i spent plotting every step of this i thought it'd be magnificent but i don't feel any different my final moment of revenge everything led up to it what an absolute embarrassment and i don't feel any different am i gonna make it just to live forever with the knowledge that every breath that i take in should have gone to someone more deserving? has every single thing i love turned callous and corrupt or is this just the way it always was? all the muscles in my face are desperate to give away the things i'm trying not to say to anyone who'll listen an avalanche of steaming shit heaped upon whatever's left of the best laid plans of mice and them and i don't feel any different am i gonna die because i couldn't hide it well enough? if i survive is it just because some paperwork got lost? is every single thing i've touched now crumbling into dust or is this just the way it always was?
3.
well, if i saved every cent i bet i still could not afford that bottle of perfume you bought from an upscale department store you picked it up, and then you smashed it on the floor before it even hit the ground, you were right back to being bored oh darling, fame is like a manhole in the street people get these weird ideas about where it might lead fucking people in this town, i can't believe resolutely superfcial, yet obsessed with the unseen you and me: we don't live on borrowed time. we stole it, let's be real truthfully: well, i'm not sure we'll stop taking even though we say we will human beings: the ones who've lived the longest are the ones we should have killed ruefully: they will all live on forever, drinking blood and popping pills when the lawyers used my blood to write the terms of the divorce well, she got to keep her dignity, and you got to keep new york so, we both dropped 2-CT-7 back at yours the trip report you wrote on erowid won several awards! oh darling, hate is like this river in the spring the air around it becomes putrid and impossible to breathe. left unchecked it will continue to increase oh, until the day it rises up and swallows everything but you and me: we don't live on borrowed time. we stole it, let's be clear apparently: well, our greed is justifiable, if we lie and call it fear human beings: they want to go to other planets now, and stain them with their tears ruefully: it's the good days when i wonder if it shouldn't just end here well, i never thought i'd find the kind of love that i imagined when that writer from the hairpin did that profile on chris evans oh, i thought it was like thorium or free and fair elections something very cool in theory that, in real life, never happens darling, family is like the air we breathe you can see that it's inside you - all you have to do is bleed and at the end, when this has cost you everything? i'll be cheering from the cheap seats as they drop the guillotine, and that's the tea
4.
at christmas, in the basement fuzzy memories. it's difficult to place them was it peaceful? were you patient? with me or the predilection i had for staying out of the papers, job placements anything that might have taken time away from all of the scams i was running on the days when i lacked excuses or the wherewithal to make them back in uptown - back to basics. in the fitting room fiddling with the blade's edge cut off the tag so i can walk it away and take it to everyday people which is adjacent if they don't want it, i can buffalo exchange it what if they catch me? ha, let's face it i know the cashiers here. they do the same shit the CEO is an asshole, and the pay's shit he's always hiring these girls who are in grade ten, i heard that he's gone on record as hating gay men the way i tend to abstain from making payment? that's just the way that i'm fighting discrimination. anyway man, what do you say, then? i call my guy up, we can go all of the way in the denim's forty and the shirt? let's say ten if you got twenty or thirty, that's all it takes, man we can get wasted! even more wasted than my EBT and your major in illustration! this city hates us - more than it loves prince, white rap, black tar, and the replacements. or washed up rock stars who never made it, talked up so hard and never played since at all the usual spots here, acting famous but no one knows who they are in other places but they can pay rent? well, okay then. i've got a gift card, you think that we can trade it? my parents got it cuz they thought it was a safe bet preventing this was their entire motivation. at christmas, three of us blazing in the parking lot of a bar you were DJing i think the bridge fell - not that day, but recent enough that everything still kind of felt strange kept getting texts from people asking if i was OK i got this one from this girl who was my roommate. i owe her money cuz of all the times she saved me getting my rent when it was way more than a month late. it's been so long since i have even seen her first name but there it is again - "not trying to make it a thing, just want to know that no one i know is buried underneath that giant pile of debris they keep showing on TV" now, here we are getting drinks - the floor as clear as can be none of the regular customers came you guys are both getting paid to keep no one entertained and me, i'm just up here in the booth drinking and taking up space
5.
the way the wind starts to bite us as we step outside the impersonal pressure of her hand on mine i know, i know, i know the way i signal success to you with bright wide eyes oh, that you catch a glimpse of in between strobe lights i know, i know, i know do you feel it? do you feel it or don't you? well i used to, baby but i'm not sure i still do do you feel it? do these tired old lies feel true? well i used to believe them but i'm not sure i still do the way we all come together as the tempo spikes and get in line for the bathoom, two or three at a time i know, i know, i know in the back of a taxi at the end of the night is it love, or intertia, or are we just tired? i know, i know, i know do you feel it? do you feel it or don't you? well i used to, baby but i'm not sure i still do do you feel it? do these tired old lies feel true? well, i used to believe them but i'm not sure i still do when we were young the future looked so bright now that we're closer, we can see that it's on fire i used to think the best was surely yet to come and now sometimes i think i'll die before it does do you feel it? do you feel it or don't you? well i used to, baby but i'm not sure i still do do you feel it? do these tired old lies feel true? well i used to believe them but i'm not sure i still do
6.
brenda and eddie were the popular steadies, and the king and the queen of the prom so he was the first to be asked where he thought she'd get heroin from the cops had some thoughts of their own about photos they saw from that night but nothing conclusive - just talks with the usual low level guys. to make it more potent, they'd mixed all their dope with a fentanyl spike, and the reality is that fatalities hit new and terrible highs cuz that tends to be the main difference between like, a tyical night and this doctor's disturbingly stubborn refusal to say she'll survive. remember when eddie was giving her plenty of reasons to wish he was gone? asleep on the couch with some lines he'd cut out and the TV still on. a flickering light that persists through the night, and an audible hum ocarina of time droning endlessly on from the dusk until dawn. sometimes she would wake up and suddenly find herself draped in his arms other times she would pass him while going to class and escape from his charms. "i love him," she'd think to herself as she left. "but i think he forgets that i'm young. someone my age, i just should not be wasting my time here replacing his mom." brenda and eddie had started already by the time i called up from out front with gigantic eyes i'm like, "where did you guys get this ketamine from??" half of the way into all conversations i'd just let my side of it drop it must have been good, cuz no one understood what i said when i'd talk. in some deep dark corner we'd all find each other, and try to detach from the mob just to dissolve into laughter without ever speaking at all. years could have passed while we sat trying to act like we weren't so completely fucked up - generations of strangers replaced by their ancestors as we just sat there and watched.
7.
if this is a dream, i don't wanna wake up. it feels so good to me like, i can't get enough i feel like i'm in a coma it feels like i'm in a dream baby i feel like i'm in a coma it feels like i'm floating baby
8.
yeah i heard about you - you're at the age when even your friends are all now starting to lose their patience. 2006 futuristic is now just ancient 2015 and you're still out here on the same shit what looked prodigous at one point now just seems immature your friends won't come out to shows with you nearly as much as before. but who can blame them, i mean who wants to suffer the risk of being the one old guy in a room full of kids? i mean, shit, who wouldn't find that embarrassing? besides you, apparently girlfriends menudo cuz they do go when they grow up find someone new though, some new youth who don't scare you as much. some new excuse to feel like you're still not losing your touch even though if at all it's often recalled with disgust outside of therapy, not once ever even discussed like they're afraid if it got out, people would judge if you're so smart, then why aren't you rich? yeah, i heard about you - back in the day when everyone was so sure they were gonna make it that it was not just the tools they'd used to make shit it's a mistake early adopters [are] always making always acting like it's a commercial acting like life is a big commercial companies that used to have you hitting adblock they hit you up *one time* and you're like, "ads rock!" and holding too many free drinks to shake hands making too many contacts to make friends and doing too many key bumps to keep track of how often your chump change has changed hands in front of cameras that those people at parties had like an aesthetic constitutes a political act that one day turns into some kind of residual check a lotta people out here still probably waiting for that if you're so smart, then why aren't you rich?
9.
eddie used to say that it was almost like a room that you had to hit the fourth plateau to even get into and time folds in upon itself if you can make it through and your past and future selves are all inside waiting for you and he says: "that's how i always know just what to do." brenda, is that true? eddie says it's wrong to think of time as like a loop he says people perceive cycles cuz they can't handle the truth. "it's more like spinning plates," he says. "it's delicate, aloof and it's all gonna break down one day and there's nothing we can do." and he says: "i think it's gonna happen soon." brenda, is that true? in the heat of the war are you scared or are you sure that when your knees hit the floor you will know what you are? well, we got to the funeral bout quarter after two less than a week after brandon used a white belt as a noose he wiped his seratonin after eddie broke the truce all the pills they found were yellow, but it's clear he had the blues and he said: "baby, i did it all for you." brenda, is that true? in the heart of the storm as you swing back and forth we all have roles. this was yours it was ordained when you were born in the midst of the swarm small mistakes start to form something big - something more a nagging thought: a deathless roar well, the basements in this city are all portals into hell and the saints built their basilica in an attempt to quell any influence of demons on the kids that tend to dwell in the gulf between macalester and a wright county jail and i guess: i guess it's gonna have to do. and you know that's true.
10.
well, she was so exhausted that she must have forgot to ask this awkward twentysomething dude if he was a cop he said he didn't bring the money so he had to take off because without it, either way, she isn't giving a fuck so after locking up, she sat in bed and she thought about the timeline of events that follows hearing a knock looking through the peephole, trying to see what he brought is it a wallet, or a badge? a pack of condoms, or cuffs? she looked out at the balcony where they were set to meet and then back into the mirror for a second, just to see if the package she was working could be any more complete if a rose by any other name could ever smell as sweet the answer's no. she hears a knock three times on the window baby, that's how you know it either isn't or it is and then it's over baby, that's how it goes romeo, romeo, you better turn off your phone [you know?] the world was tinted violet by the sunrise and smog as his fingers traced the distance between home and this block it said it's thirty-seven minutes if he opted to walk until the red pin once again was covered by the blue dot his eyes were set on juliet, his laces in knots he starts to say "babe, that was great, but now i gotta take off" but there's a distance in her eyes, as if he's already gone so he just leaves an extra $20 hoping that's what she'd want then he goes to ring his girlfriend soon as he's in the hall says "baby, there's no special reason! i just miss you, is all i'm stepping out to do some errands, and my reception might stall so i'll just say 'i love you' now, in case the phone drops the call" and there it goes. she texts him "baby, i can't wait to see you later! [heart emoji] xo" it either isn't or it is and then it's over, baby, that's how it goes romeo, romeo starts walking home alone.
11.
i had a dream that one day you showed up at where i work and you paid all my student loans off like it was nothing oh like it was nothing i had a dream that it was the morning and i wasn't waiting for my iphone to start ringing i was just sleeping oh like it was nothing today somebody told me they want the old me back i know, i know, i know - somebody had to hold me back today somebody told me they want the old me back i know, i know, i know - nobody who knows me wants the old me back i had a dream that my dress got ripped but i could just go out on my own and buy a new one like it was nothing oh like it was nothing i had a dream that i was fifteen and i could see everything that was about to happen and i could stop it oh like it was nothing today somebody told me they want the old me back i know, i know, i know - somebody had to hold me back today somebody told me they want the old me back i know, i know, i now - not even the old me wants the old me back it's like you always told me it's like you always said once i could feel it starting there i was at the end it's like you always told me it's like you always said i got my arms around it that's how you know it's dead it's like you always told me it's like you always said i can't just choose what people do and do not forget it's like i always tell you it's like i always say baby, i'll always love you to your eternal shame
12.
13.
[narrator] eddie used to say that it was almost like a room that you had to hit the fourth plateau to even get into and time folds in upon itself if you can make it through and your past and future selves are all inside waiting for you and he says: "that's how i always know just what to do." brenda, is that true? eddie says it's wrong to think of time as like a loop he says people perceive cycles cuz they can't handle the truth. "it's more like spinning plates," he says. "it's delicate, aloof and it's all gonna break down one day and there's nothing we can do." and he says: "i think it's gonna happen soon." brenda, is that true? [eddie] in the heat of the war are you scared or are you sure that when your knees hit the floor you will know what you are? [narrator] well, we got to the funeral bout quarter after two less than a week after brandon used a white belt as a noose he wiped his seratonin after eddie broke the truce all the pills they found were yellow, but it's clear he had the blues and he said: "baby, i did it all for you." brenda, is that true? [eddie] in the heart of the storm as you swing back and forth we all have roles. this was yours it was ordained when you were born in the midst of the swarm small mistakes start to form something big - something more a nagging thought: a deathless roar [narrator] well, the basements in this city are all portals into hell and the saints built their basilica in an attempt to quell any influence of demons on the kids that tend to dwell in the gulf between macalester and a wright county jail and i guess: i guess it's gonna have to do. and you know that's true.
14.
the way the wind starts to bite us as we step outside the impersonal pressure of her hand on mine i know, i know, i know the way i signal success to you with bright wide eyes oh, that you catch a glimpse of in between strobe lights i know, i know, i know do you feel it? do you feel it or don't you? well i used to, baby but i'm not sure i still do do you feel it? do these tired old lies feel true? well i used to believe them but i'm not sure i still do the way we all come together as the tempo spikes and get in line for the bathoom, two or three at a time i know, i know, i know in the back of a taxi at the end of the night is it love, or intertia, or are we just tired? i know, i know, i know do you feel it? do you feel it or don't you? well i used to, baby but i'm not sure i still do do you feel it? do these tired old lies feel true? well, i used to believe them but i'm not sure i still do when we were young the future looked so bright now that we're closer, we can see that it's on fire i used to think the best was surely yet to come and now sometimes i think i'll die before it does do you feel it? do you feel it or don't you? well i used to, baby but i'm not sure i still do do you feel it? do these tired old lies feel true? well i used to believe them but i'm not sure i still do

about

the third album by default genders

with help from ada rook, ash nerve, snail cream, drainpuppet, neotenomie, ang3lph4se, postblankvoid, wren dove lark, m zavos, and glitchlette

i don't really see it is a remix album. it kinda is to main pop girl 2019 what FF7 remake is to the original: it has the same characters, some similar dialogue, and many story beats in common with it's predecessor, but it's a new thing

other points of reference one might find to be relevant are U2's "rattle and hum" and "zooropa" albums, will oldham's "bonne 'prince' billy sings greatest palace music", or nine inch nails' "further down the spiral" and "closer to god" EPs

thanks to ayesha siddiqi whose writing inspired "cascadia subduction zone"

credits

released April 20, 2020

default genders is jaime brooks

mastered by ada rook

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jaime brooks Portland, Oregon

a careless man's careful daughter

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