magical pessimism 2014

by default genders

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about

magical pessimism 2014 is an album by james brooks, released under the name "default genders"

i started it in 2012 and finished it in 2014

it features some songs from a previous release by default genders called "stop pretending" that have been mastered and re-mixed

credits

released July 14, 2014

created by james brooks

featuring the mastering talents of recycle culture
if it sounds good credit him
if it sounds bad blame me

find his amazing body of work at recycleculture.bandcamp.com

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all rights reserved

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Track Name: everything is a lie and everyone is completely full of shit
like i care if i can never own a home
what's the point if i have to live in it alone
like i care about the mess i'd leave behind
i've been so fucking careful my whole life

just this one time i will leave
and not spend most of the night worrying
about how i am going to get home
just this one time i will be
someone you want to take out to things
and not who you take everything out on

like i care what other places i could go
i'm not even curious to know
like i'm scared about the likelihood of pain
pain has been like family to me

just this one time i will leave
and not spend all day at work wondering
if you will still be there when i get home
so just this one time can you please
act like you would run away with me
and not like i'm the thing you're running from?
Track Name: the world ends with you
i know where the line is i know when the line's been crossed
i'll never cross this one at least that's what i always thought
i know it's a shitshow i know i should know better than this
but maybe it's not about what you do
maybe it's about
who you do it with

all that i wanted was to get far away from all of this
but it just keeps getting bigger
the farther away from it i get

all that i wanted was to get far away from all of this
maybe i failed to consider
there could ever be
so much
of it

i know where the line is i know who the enemies are
i'll do all the talking you just have to wait in the car
i know there's no future if we keep on living like this
but anywhere we're going
it can't be worse
than everywhere
we've been

all that i wanted was to get far away from all of this
but it just keeps getting bigger
the farther away from it i get

all that i wanted was to get far away from all of this
maybe i failed to consider
there could ever be
so much
of it
Track Name: everything can stop us now part 1
i used to think
i used to dream
that if you loved me
that's all i would need
i fought so hard
to make it true
to find a place
that i could share with you
but something's different
i know it's strange
but i've got this feeling
that i can't explain
like this is our last chance
like this is the last dance
we'll ever have

ooh
i never want to leave
when you're holding on
to me
i love the feeling when
it hits

ooh
i wish i could believe
all of the things you promise
me
i wish it could just
stay like
this

i used to think
i used to dream
that if you loved me
that's all i would need
i fought so hard
to stay true
to find a place
i could feel safe with you
but something's different
i know it's strange
but there's nothing about this
that i would change
if this was my last chance
if this is the last dance
we'll ever have

ooh
i never want to leave
when you're holding on
to me
i love the feeling when
it hits

ooh
i wish i could believe
all of the things you promise
me
i wish it could just
stay like
this
Track Name: sophie
i had a dream that
one day i showed up
at where you work and i paid
all your student loans off
like it was nothing
oh
like it was nothing

i had a dream that
it was the morning
and you weren't just
waiting for your iphone to start
ringing
you were just sleeping
oh
like it was nothing

today somebody told me
they want the old me back
i know i know i know
somebody had to hold me back

today somebody told me
they want the old me back
i know i know i know
nobody who knows me
wants the old me
back

i had a dream that
i had commanded
the return of everything of yours
they'd taken
and people listened
oh
like it meant something

i had a dream that
i was fifteen, and
i could see everything that was about
to happen
and i could stop it
oh
like it was nothing


today somebody told me
they want the old me back
i know i know i know
somebody had to hold me back

today somebody told me
they want the old me back
i know i know i know
nobody who knows me
wants the old me
back

it's like i always told you
it's like i always said
you got your arms around it
that's how you know it's dead

it's like i always told you
it's like i always said
once you feel like it's starting
you're almost at the end

it's like i always told you
it's like i always said
you can't just choose what people
do and do not forget

it's like i always tell you
it's like i always say
baby i'll always love you
to your eternal shame
Track Name: negotiating with demons
when there's a situation
they always wanna talk
to give some convoluted
reason why it was your fault
and then they take your silence
as a sign they're absolved
while you just sit there shaking
way too freaked out to respond

this is why i wanted out
this is a thing i have been carrying around
this is a mess no one else wanted to clean up
this is why i love you so much

you wonder if your weakness
somehow brought all this on
if hurting other people
is how you prove that you are strong
i read that fighting monsters
can turn you into one
your tactics start to look like
things your enemies have done

this is why i wanted out
this is a thing i have been carrying around
this is a mess no one else wanted to bring up
this is why i love you so much
Track Name: omertà
doodly doodly doo

plinky pinky

bwaahhhhhh

cooooooooo

tinkly tink
Track Name: stop pretending
tell me again what you hope to accomplish
because if i'm being honest i do not understand

tell me again how you're planning to beat them
by being as much like them as you possibly can

something you tossed out is everything i want
something you're dismissive of is the reason i wake up
you say "you can't be soft if you wanna be punk"
fine, cool, whatever
thanks for clearing that up

ugh

tell me again about how heavy the crown is
about the weight of the burden
of being white and male

tell me again what you told all the people
you've ever had underneath you
about how you meant well

something you tossed out is everything i want
something you're dismissive of is the reason i wake up
if people talk shit and say "you're not one of us"
i guess we can stop pretending now that i ever was

いい天気ですね?
Track Name: the trees in the driveway
your own house in the suburbs
a modest success
you have to take out your piercings before you go to work
but otherwise they're pretty cool about the way that you dress

the trees in the driveway
start to shed all their leaves
some people would say it's cuz they're dying but
to you it just seems like they're focused on the important things

i hate that you think you know me
just because you heard i used to get around
i never knew what i wanted then
so what makes you so sure that you do now?

i hate that you think you own me
just because you heard i used to get around
i never knew what i wanted then
so what makes you so sure that you do know?

you start to notice him fidget
he always comes to bed late
you tried to see what was keeping him once
but he's always so quick to close the page

you ask if he's checked the papers
he promises that he did
so why's he acting like the future you dreamed of
is a cage that he's now trapped in?

i hate that you think you know me
just because you heard i used to get around
i never knew what i wanted then
so what makes you so sure that you do now?

i hate that you think you own me
just because you heard i used to get around
i never knew what i wanted then
so what makes you so sure that you do know?

he's been gone since the weekend
he said he was going downtown
you know that you should be enraged
but instead of getting mad you just shut down

your hair's a disaster
the color's started to fade
and when you get to work, everyone remarks about
how beautiful you look today

the trees in the driveway
start to shed all their leaves
some people would say it's cuz they're dying but
to you it just seems like they're focused on the important things
Track Name: words with friends
you ripped this dress the last time you pulled it off me
but that hasn't stopped me from wearing it out
sometimes people notice and say there's a problem
like i wouldn't know unless they pointed it out

the way they all talk about pain
like it's some kind of abstract thing
like it's an outfit you can change
at any time

the way they all talk about love
like it's a burden they've shrugged off
fuck that fuck them fuck you ugh
fuck my life

you don't wanna hear me say that i'll always be there
you won't even let me come inside of your house
sometimes people call me and ask what's the problem
as if it helps anything if i spell it out

the way they all just stare at me
when i try to talk about these things
that i have a heart at all strikes them as quaint
the things they all say about you
i'm sure that all of it is true
i think that i get off of work tonight at 8

so i guess i'll call you when i'm parked outside your place
Track Name: kairosis in real life
doo do doo do
doo do doo do
doo do doo do
doo do doo do

tinkly tinkly tinkly
tinkle tinky tinkle tink
tink tink

tinkly tinkly tinkle
tinkly tinkle tinky tink
tink tink

coooooooooooo

woosh

bwaahhhhhhh
Track Name: on fraternity
the way your heart speeds up when you notice someone walking behind you
well that's why
the way they're all watching for your guard to drop at the end of the night now
well that's why

it's like you have to wear black in places like this
in their opinion you were almost kind of asking for it
all along

who cares if it's right as long as it's fun
so if someone gets hurt and then the cops come then
no one talks

the way they act like even bringing it up means you're the one with a problem
well that's why

the way they say they can't just stop being friends with him because of what happened
well that's why

it's like you have to wear black in places like this
did you not see them roll their eyes every time we walked in
all along

who cares if it's right as long as it's punk
so if someone gets hurt and then the cops come then
no one talks

this is why i wanted out
Track Name: everything can stop us now part 2
i used to think
i used to dream
that if you loved me
that's all i would need
i fought so hard
to make it true
to find a place
that i could share with you
but something's different
i know it's strange
but i've got this feeling
that i can't explain
like this is our last chance
like this is the last dance
we'll ever have

ooh
i never want to leave
when you're holding on
to me
i love the feeling when
it hits

ooh
i wish i could believe
all of the things you promise
me
i wish it could just
stay like
this

i used to think
i used to dream
that if you loved me
that's all i would need
i fought so hard
to stay true
to find a place
i could feel safe with you
but something's different
i know it's strange
but there's nothing about this
that i would change
if this was my last chance
if this is the last dance
we'll ever have

ooh
i never want to leave
when you're holding on
to me
i love the feeling when
it hits

ooh
i wish i could believe
all of the things you promise
me
i wish it could just
stay like
this